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Feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem build up over a period of many years through the home environment, parent-child relationships, derogatory communication between spouses, community influence, rejections, disappointments, unrealistic expectations; by sins of  fornication, abortion, infidelity, divorce and the guilt that follows; and through other negative experiences and behaviours. Nevertheless, when people can see through all these layers of dark clouds that circumstances and society cast over their self-esteem, they will be able to clearly see themselves as who they are and emerge in a greater way toward their full potential.
The Bible & Self-Esteem
Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden distorted their self-image in all dimensions. This distortion had a domino effect on all humans thereafter, multiplying itself in diverse ways. Hence, all of us have had a setbacks and have seen ourselves falsely in one way or another from the beginning.
The fact is that God highly esteems us unconditionally, not because of our education, financial successes, or admirable positions in society, but because of who we really are, the way He created us in His image uniquely and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14). He created our spirits before we were conceived (Jer 1:5). He guided and empowered us during the race among millions to the destination in our mother’s womb. He favoured us to be the first to make contact with the egg , made a deposited of His divine potential in us and watches over our development..
In God’s great love for us, He provided an antidote for sinful behaviours and their effects by sending Jesus Christ to our rescue. Jesus restores and reunites us to God and helps us to see who we really are. God’s letter to us (the Bible) says, “Therefore, if any man be in Christ Jesus, he is a new creature: old things are passed away, and all things are become new.” He claims us as being the apple of His eye and His treasure on earth. Throughout the Bible, He constantly affirms us as valuable in His sight. In 1 Peter 2:9, He calls us His “chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, and a peculiar people.” In addition, He has called us “out of darkness into his marvellous light.” In Ephesians 2:10, He says we are His “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to good works.” In John 15:15, Jesus declared that we are no longer servants but His friends. He sent angels to guard us and the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us. Our Heavenly Father refers us as “the salt of the earth” (Matt 5:13), “the light of the world” (Matt 5:14), and “fellow workers” and “joint heirs” of Jesus Christ (1 Cor 3:9). We can’t be as bad as we think we are, can we? Are you going to argue with God?
How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
After accepting Christ for who He is, you will start seeing yourself and your future differently. By changing the way you think, believe, and feel about yourself and how you conduct your life, you will gradually change your self-esteem. You will start to see yourself through the lens of God. But you will have to do your part. Renewing your mind through diligently studying the Bible daily, joining a healthy Bible group and listening to edifying preaching will surely help. Attend a church that focuses on righteousness rather than sin. Next, you need to separate yourself from people of negative influence and surround yourself with people who will understand and accept you for who you are and support you. You need to have a realistic self-evaluation, accept your current state in this world, decide what you want to be or what legacy you want to leave, set short- and long-term goals and priorities, avoid sin and destructive behaviours, and thank God daily for the work He is doing and will continue to do in and through you.

Divorce will affect people in negative ways emotionally, behaviorally, socially and spiritually. It often has a lifelong affect upon the divorcee and their children, parents, grandparents other family members, employees, employers, friends, neighbors, the church family and even any future marriages.

Emotional Effects: It is endless and creates anxiety, fear sadness, depression, anger, bitterness, frustration, confusion, period’s deep regret, thoughts of and even the committal of  suicide. We were not created to endure long periods of tension, for this reason serious illness often follows.

Behavioral Effects:  Divorces not only affect our feelings but also  behavior. It  affects  how and what the divorcee eat and drink, how and when the bills are paid, how they solve their daily challenges within the family or at work, how they take care of themselves and their belongings, discolor the views of their future and how they pursue it. Efforts in their pursuits in life may decline, efficiency reduces and in many cases, and the divorcee may be more susceptible to mishaps as they continue in life.

Social Effects:  When divorce occurs every one in the community suffer. Family members are shocked some become afraid and discouraged. Allies try to be supportive. Some may condemn, blame or treat from either or both parties accusingly. Friends may feel awkward and will not know how to react or what to say in their presence. The divorced experiences loneliness, insecurity while some have problems with sex and self-control. Some as well as their children get involved in abuse the use of drugs and alcohol.

Spiritual Effects: Divorce like any other tragedy in life will sometimes pull people closer to God for guidance and protection while others will turn their anger to Him, fall away the church family, and disregard the call and purposes of God for their life.

Christian Counseling: Christian Counselors use biblical principles, the help of the Holy Spirit and modern technology diagnose the weak areas of marriages and make them stronger, find unaddressed issues that brought the relationship at the critical stage and address them, help t eliminate bad habits and encourage couples to live a harmonious Christ centered relationship.

More than three thousand years ago depression has been recognized to be a common ailment among human and has been affecting people from all walks of life from the earliest years. It is referred to by some in the medical field as the common cold in mental health. In milder forms depression can come as a passing period of sadness that follows a disappointment and is name as unipolar or non-bipolar depression. More severe depressions may be experienced with feelings of fear, exhaustion, and inability to take action into the life of society, hopelessness and inner desperation’s. Those who supper repeated harsh and rigorous mood swings are said to suffer bipolar disorder

People experience depression in different ways though very few may have the same symptoms. The symptoms may include sadness, pessimism, that is thinking the worse will happen in every situation and feeling of hopelessness, droopiness, laziness or sluggishness that make it difficult get going; general fatigue along with loss of energy, lack of interest in work, religion, hobby and other activities; low self esteem, often partnered by self criticism and guilty feelings, humiliation, unworthiness, helplessness, lack of sleep and distorted concentration, and loss of desire to eat. In what is referred to as masked depression, the person may have many of the above symptoms, but cover up or deny the feelings of sadness by putting on a pretense of normalcy or happiness. However, sensitive counselors will see behind the facade.

Depression can be apparent and classified by different measures of severity, from mild to severe and primary to secondary. Mild depression is temporary, self correction and may be overcome by little counseling, therapy and mild mediation. Severe conditions last for longer periods and recurs at different times as seasons. The sources can be   spiritual, physiological, psychological a combination of all three or also genetic. Professionals   agree that it originates basically from disappoints failures or losses. Inaccurate diagnosis, incorrect medication, inappropriate responses of immediate family members and friends to the ill person can make the condition increasingly complex. Though common, even with skilled psychiatrists and therapists, it can be difficult to diagnosed and dealt with without the help of the empowering grace and wisdom of God.

The Bible does not have much to say about it; still we can find that the condition existed in various characters. Namely Job, Elijah, Moses, King Saul, Kind David, Jonah, Peter   and even Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane where He was deeply grieved and distressed which resulted to blood dripping our of his forehead. They all dealt with the condition in similar ways but primarily looking to God for His empowering grace and wisdom.

MYTHS AND FICTIONS OF DEPRESSION

Myths and fictions of depression make the practice of a cousellor more difficult. The following are some of them.  “Depression is caused by sin and lack of faith in God”. “All depression is as a result of self pity”. “It is wrong for a Christian to be depressed”. “Depression can be removed permanently by some sort of spiritual exercise and that happiness is a choice”.

CAUSES OF DEPRESSION

The Belief System

Job, according to the Bible, was a “perfect” man, blameless, upright revered God, shuns evil and held fast to his integrity. He was financially successful with a large happy family.

Nevertheless,  Job said “Job 3:25 ²⁵ The worst of my fears has come true, what I’ve dreaded most has happened” It is also   written in Proverbs 23:7  “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” As we have read the thing that Job feared came upon him. Disaster struck from all angles progressively in his life.  He lost his children, health and wealth and his wife, who was supposed to stick with him, suggested that he curse God and die. His friends were   judgmental, and had many of their own reasons for his predicament.  Through it all, he came more intimate with God, experienced His grace and was restored in a greater measure. No doubt our faith or fear, the way we think and/or believe can cause us to fall in depression or rise out of depression.

The Genetic –Biological Causes

Research also reveals that some nature of depression runs in families and can also arise from physical malfunctions.  Lack of sleep, insufficient exercise, the side effects of prescribed and illegal drugs, unhealthy diet, monthly premenstrual syndrome, glandular disorder, and brain tumors and chemistry also contributes to depression. Some in the medical field agree that negative thinking causes imbalance in brain chemistry and can contribute to depression.

Psychological-Cognitive Causes

Up to 10 percent of mental health problem are find its origination from Psychological-Cognitive conditions. Twenty five percent of this figure are made up of college and university students, and thirty three percent are college and university drop outs. Childhood experiences, family and cultural backgrounds, stress,  significant losses, lack of skill in surviving, anger and unforgiveness with self, greed,  guilt, self condemnation  lack of hope, and not seeing the good plans and future that God has for us has people stuck in depression. Depressed people are often passive or over reactive, poorly motivated, not wanting to/or lack the strength to do anything to help themselves. 

The Effect of Depression

If not dealt with appropriately depression can lead to extended sufferings. Unhappiness and inefficiency, increased physical illness,  withdrawal from family friends and society as a whole, chronic loneliness due to lack of ability to maintain healthy relationships, inability to be a team player and stay employed ,low esteem and even suicide are the potential consequences of depression..

Avoiding Depression

Though depression cannot be completely avoided there are steps that can be taken to reduce the risks. They are as follows; trusting in God,  accept that  discouragement and disappointments will come in life, be alert to depressive situations and seasons of reoccurrence, learn to handle guilt, anger  and unforgivness  of self and others, think right, develop coping skills, find the right support individuals or groups, and be discipline in eating  and exercising,

Singles, you are not alone. There are over six million Canadians over eighteen years of age who have never been married. Over twelve million are single parents, most with children. They are not only single but most probably searching too. Fifty percent of people who have been married from three to five years are seeking to be single again.

It’s never too late; it doesn’t matter what the purpose of your singleness is. If your heart is set on marriage, God is willing to help you find a mate that will end in marriage until death.

CAUSES OF SINGLENESS

1. Some chose not to marry because of what society is becoming.
2. Some think they have committed the unforgivable sin and are not worthy.
3. Some are tired of searching.
4. Some were married and found what Paul said in 1 Cor. 7:1 to be correct and got divorced.
5. Some have lost their mate through unfaithfulness or death.
6. Some may have other reasons for being single.
(a) Chronic illness, handicaps both mental and physical
(b) Unrealistic views.
(c) Immaturity and unwillingness to accept responsibility.

THE EFFECTS OF SINGLENESS

Everyone has been single at some time in their lives. If viewed by the stigma society has placed on it, singleness will have a harmful effect on singles such as shame, embarrassment, anxiety, fear, loneliness and depression. Singles can also suffer unnecessarily for low self-image and also have problems with identity and direction. God knows of every temptation and frustration that will come to man and he has a way of bringing resolve. Ladies, it’s not about giving yourself to any “Harry Hotrod” that comes around, or men falling for any “Polly Popsicles.”

HOW TO THRIVE SUCCESSFULLY THROUGH SINGLENESS

Singleness is not unnatural, unfortunate and should not be undesirable. It is a time when people have an opportunity to find out who they really are and come to a greater level of maturity; spend the extra time to develop themselves spiritually, professionally, narrow their view of God’s will for their lives, and line themselves up to do more meaningful things in life.

TO MAKE LIFE EASIER, SINGLES NEED TO CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

1. Evaluate your attitude toward singleness.
2. Accept yourself in this temporary state (if you are looking for a mate).
3. Always acknowledge the presence of God in your life.
4. Pursue life realistically:
(a) Hang around people who accept you, and who have Godly values.
(b) Be active in your immediate and extended family.
(c) Have a working relationship church family; keep busy pleasing the heart of God, and not only in mainstream events in church.
(d) Get involved and help develop programs to meet unique needs.
(e) Get actively involved in single ministries in Church.
(f) Meet single groups in other churches.
(g) Help new comers in church.
(h) Avoid the heavy emphasis, but keep praying and seeking in dating and match making.
(i) The Bible shows us of the grace of God
(j) It also teaches that it’s not whatever will be will be, but whatever will be is up to me.

A SINGLE MAN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS LOST

There’s a true story of a young man who got lost; the farther he went the more lost he got. Finally, after moping and groping, he pulled into a little town, stopped and called out to a farmer, “Excuse me, sir, but I think I’m lost.” The farmer responded by saying, “Well, do you know where you are?” and the man said, “Yes, sir, I saw the name of the town when I came in.” “Well then,” replied the farmer, “do you know where you want to go?” “Of course I do,” said the young man. “Then you aren’t lost,” said the farmer. “You just need some direction.”
At EMERGE, we help you find your way in the right direction.