Blog

Infidelity can be likened to a flood that gradually creeps into a farmer’s field. If not dealt with appropriately from its commencement, it can result in great disaster. Like a tsunami, the flood comes in bringing everything that destroys: contaminated water, debris, dead animals and dangerous living creatures such as crocodiles, alligators, snakes or fire ants. Eventually it can destroy everything, leaving the farmer bankrupt, disappointed and hopeless. Following the flood, after the land has been drained of toxic water and cleared of dangerous creatures, dams and trenches are put into place to protect the area from future floods.

Although adultery can potentially wreck a matrimonial relationship, a marriage can be completely restored following an infidelity. It can become stronger than it was before, with deeper intimacy, more passionate love, trust and commitment with healthier boundaries. The process of recovery can become a teaching tool to many who have experienced bewilderment, agony and pain.

Marriages will survive infidelity when couples have a genuine desire to recommit and go through the full process of restoration. It is by no means a quick-fix task of just saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I won’t do it again.” The process requires time, a confidential and trustworthy environment, full disclosure, forgiveness, acceptance, compassionate nurturing, unconditional love, patience and God’s grace.

Usually a void in the relationship is the cause of infidelity. Ideally this void should be made known and filled with a measure of compromise by both partners. If the void is not addressed in time, the enemy will come in like a flood; but with God in the middle, the parties can experience complete restoration.

In young adulthood I was involved in an accident that seriously injured my right leg. During the process of healing, the doctor implanted a steel plate to hold the bones together. He assured me that my leg would never be broken at that place again because of the reinforcement that had been added. When infidelity takes place in a marriage, the marriage is broken; but when proper principles are applied in the process of restoration, a marriage can become infidelity-proof.

Pre-marriage Counsel High priority

Wise couples who wish to enjoy a happy, fruitful married life, live up to their vows of “ until death do we part” and eliminating the risk of divorce, place high priority on pre-marriage counsel. Statistics reveal that those who participate in pre-marriage counsel, though they face the same challenges as other couples, are much more equipped to deal with challenges and therefore enjoy a better marriage and family life.

Failure to prepare for Marriage

Trying to cope with the challenges of training for and changing careers, competition of staying employed, keeping trim and fit, raising children, keeping up with the rapid changes in society in this post modern generation has made marriage very difficult. According to reliable statics about 50 % of first marriages end in separation or divorce. The risk becomes greater with each successive marriage, about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages.

People will spend tens of thousands of dollars and fifteen to twenty five years of their lives equipping themselves for a careers, but rarely invest any time or finances on preparing themselves for marriages which is intended to last for a lifetime. Failing to have adequate pre-marriage counsel can lead to painful divorce in just a few years after marriage.

Pre-marriage Counsel Vital

Can you imagine plunging into the deep without ever learning the dynamics of swimming… just hoping that you will figure it out after you take the plunge? The choice to take the dive unprepared will undoubtedly determine whether one sinks or swims.

Couples often enter marriage enjoying the passionate honeymoon phase, feeling this will last forever with little or no effort to keep the flame going. However after the honeymoon phase is over the reality season begins. This is the time when they have to take off their ballroom attire and put on the work boots and gloves and used the necessary tools to keep the garden of marriage flourishing and fruitful. Some realize that they are not equip to do the work and think that divorce is the solution.

By preparing for marriage through adequate pre-marriage counsel, couples invest in their marriage and thereby give themselves a better chance to have their dreams of marriage become reality. Studies show that pre-marriage counsel can reduce the potential for divorce by about 30%.

What is the process of Pre-marriage Counsel?

Our pre-marital counseling process begins with a comprehensive relationship questionnaire that is filled out online by each member of the couple. There are no right or wrong answers. The survey identifies with great precision based on information gathered the couple’s strengths and the areas for growth within their relationship. The questions probes areas such as communication skills, conflict resolution, family and friends, sex, child raising, finances, roles and responsibilities and spiritual beliefs. The data gathered is evaluated and presented in a detailed report utilizing easy-to-understand text and clear graphics.

There are typically one to five feed-back sessions depending on the areas identified for development. The knowledge and guidance received through our pre-marriage counsel/guidance will have great benefits for the couples and their family and help leave a remarkable legacy for generations to come.

Marriage is God’s idea; it’s the first institution He established upon the face of the earth. It’s a place where a male and female can experience joy, peace, fulfillment, pleasure and fruitfulness.

In this union, both parties have the opportunity to experience God’s blessings and be a blessing to each other and God.

Marriage is not a common contract, but a holy covenant where three parties are involved. Jesus is the first party. He is always present in our hearts by the Holy Spirit and is willing to guide, empower and help us to enrich marriages. The man and the woman are the second and third parties in a marriage. We read in the Bible Gen 2:2, “man will leave his mother and father and be united with his wife and the two become one flesh.” Volumes have been written about this scripture; nevertheless the words leave, be united and become one flesh are the basic words that make marriages the ideal place they should be. Both parties are to submit to love, respect and care for each other unconditionally. Marriage will be ideal if both man and woman would like

Jesus to give one hundred percent of their efforts to make the other happy. Marriage is not a fifty-fifty deal.

Marriage problems originated in the first marriage between Adam and Eve when Adam failed to live up to his priorities. Problems continued through the ages unto this day. God has a blueprint as to how marriages can be the ideal union. When man and/or woman fail to embrace God’s principles for a marriage, bad marriage will hurt. God is grieved and feels the pain of every hurting marriage.

God’s basic treatment healthy marriages can be found in Ephesians 5:21–33 “Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. 23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. 26 Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, 27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. 28 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. 29 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, 30 since we are part of his body. 31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. 33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”