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Infidelity can be likened to a flood that gradually creeps into a farmer’s field. If not dealt with appropriately from its commencement, it can result in great disaster. Like a tsunami, the flood comes in bringing everything that destroys: contaminated water, debris, dead animals and dangerous living creatures such as crocodiles, alligators, snakes or fire ants. Eventually it can destroy everything, leaving the farmer bankrupt, disappointed and hopeless. Following the flood, after the land has been drained of toxic water and cleared of dangerous creatures, dams and trenches are put into place to protect the area from future floods.

Although adultery can potentially wreck a matrimonial relationship, a marriage can be completely restored following an infidelity. It can become stronger than it was before, with deeper intimacy, more passionate love, trust and commitment with healthier boundaries. The process of recovery can become a teaching tool to many who have experienced bewilderment, agony and pain.

Marriages will survive infidelity when couples have a genuine desire to recommit and go through the full process of restoration. It is by no means a quick-fix task of just saying, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I won’t do it again.” The process requires time, a confidential and trustworthy environment, full disclosure, forgiveness, acceptance, compassionate nurturing, unconditional love, patience and God’s grace.

Usually a void in the relationship is the cause of infidelity. Ideally this void should be made known and filled with a measure of compromise by both partners. If the void is not addressed in time, the enemy will come in like a flood; but with God in the middle, the parties can experience complete restoration.

In young adulthood I was involved in an accident that seriously injured my right leg. During the process of healing, the doctor implanted a steel plate to hold the bones together. He assured me that my leg would never be broken at that place again because of the reinforcement that had been added. When infidelity takes place in a marriage, the marriage is broken; but when proper principles are applied in the process of restoration, a marriage can become infidelity-proof.

Feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem build up over a period of many years through the home environment, parent-child relationships, derogatory communication between spouses, community influence, rejections, disappointments, unrealistic expectations; by sins of  fornication, abortion, infidelity, divorce and the guilt that follows; and through other negative experiences and behaviours. Nevertheless, when people can see through all these layers of dark clouds that circumstances and society cast over their self-esteem, they will be able to clearly see themselves as who they are and emerge in a greater way toward their full potential.
The Bible & Self-Esteem
Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden distorted their self-image in all dimensions. This distortion had a domino effect on all humans thereafter, multiplying itself in diverse ways. Hence, all of us have had a setbacks and have seen ourselves falsely in one way or another from the beginning.
The fact is that God highly esteems us unconditionally, not because of our education, financial successes, or admirable positions in society, but because of who we really are, the way He created us in His image uniquely and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14). He created our spirits before we were conceived (Jer 1:5). He guided and empowered us during the race among millions to the destination in our mother’s womb. He favoured us to be the first to make contact with the egg , made a deposited of His divine potential in us and watches over our development..
In God’s great love for us, He provided an antidote for sinful behaviours and their effects by sending Jesus Christ to our rescue. Jesus restores and reunites us to God and helps us to see who we really are. God’s letter to us (the Bible) says, “Therefore, if any man be in Christ Jesus, he is a new creature: old things are passed away, and all things are become new.” He claims us as being the apple of His eye and His treasure on earth. Throughout the Bible, He constantly affirms us as valuable in His sight. In 1 Peter 2:9, He calls us His “chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, and a peculiar people.” In addition, He has called us “out of darkness into his marvellous light.” In Ephesians 2:10, He says we are His “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to good works.” In John 15:15, Jesus declared that we are no longer servants but His friends. He sent angels to guard us and the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us. Our Heavenly Father refers us as “the salt of the earth” (Matt 5:13), “the light of the world” (Matt 5:14), and “fellow workers” and “joint heirs” of Jesus Christ (1 Cor 3:9). We can’t be as bad as we think we are, can we? Are you going to argue with God?
How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
After accepting Christ for who He is, you will start seeing yourself and your future differently. By changing the way you think, believe, and feel about yourself and how you conduct your life, you will gradually change your self-esteem. You will start to see yourself through the lens of God. But you will have to do your part. Renewing your mind through diligently studying the Bible daily, joining a healthy Bible group and listening to edifying preaching will surely help. Attend a church that focuses on righteousness rather than sin. Next, you need to separate yourself from people of negative influence and surround yourself with people who will understand and accept you for who you are and support you. You need to have a realistic self-evaluation, accept your current state in this world, decide what you want to be or what legacy you want to leave, set short- and long-term goals and priorities, avoid sin and destructive behaviours, and thank God daily for the work He is doing and will continue to do in and through you.

Divorce will affect people in negative ways emotionally, behaviorally, socially and spiritually. It often has a lifelong affect upon the divorcee and their children, parents, grandparents other family members, employees, employers, friends, neighbors, the church family and even any future marriages.

Emotional Effects: It is endless and creates anxiety, fear sadness, depression, anger, bitterness, frustration, confusion, period’s deep regret, thoughts of and even the committal of  suicide. We were not created to endure long periods of tension, for this reason serious illness often follows.

Behavioral Effects:  Divorces not only affect our feelings but also  behavior. It  affects  how and what the divorcee eat and drink, how and when the bills are paid, how they solve their daily challenges within the family or at work, how they take care of themselves and their belongings, discolor the views of their future and how they pursue it. Efforts in their pursuits in life may decline, efficiency reduces and in many cases, and the divorcee may be more susceptible to mishaps as they continue in life.

Social Effects:  When divorce occurs every one in the community suffer. Family members are shocked some become afraid and discouraged. Allies try to be supportive. Some may condemn, blame or treat from either or both parties accusingly. Friends may feel awkward and will not know how to react or what to say in their presence. The divorced experiences loneliness, insecurity while some have problems with sex and self-control. Some as well as their children get involved in abuse the use of drugs and alcohol.

Spiritual Effects: Divorce like any other tragedy in life will sometimes pull people closer to God for guidance and protection while others will turn their anger to Him, fall away the church family, and disregard the call and purposes of God for their life.

Christian Counseling: Christian Counselors use biblical principles, the help of the Holy Spirit and modern technology diagnose the weak areas of marriages and make them stronger, find unaddressed issues that brought the relationship at the critical stage and address them, help t eliminate bad habits and encourage couples to live a harmonious Christ centered relationship.

There has been an assault on marriages since incident with Adam and Eve in Garden of Eden. It continued through the ages but escalated since the beginning of world war one in 1914, when thousands of men went to war and most of the remaining, along with women had to work rotating shifts in factories manufacturing war missiles. It was at this point loneliness, infidelity, separation, divorce, and homosexuality started to rise drastically. Now with gay marriages being legalized it will become worse. Christian Counselors, Clinicians, Family Therapists and Lay Helpers in the churches and communities will be increasingly active until Kingdom comes.

Couples need to protect the integrity of a Godly marriage, by making special efforts to enrich their relationship. Communication, conflict resolution, roles and responsibilities, meeting each other needs and money management are the main areas where development is needed.
Healthy communication is being honest, transparent, listening, hearing and understanding each other. Resolving conflicts comes through respectful, informed dialogue with arrivals at Godly decisions that will be of the best interest of the family, rather than blow-up, clam-up or being passive. In this industrialized, capitalistic and narcissistic society, it has become what is referred to as a rat race society; hence, there is need for roles and responsibility of each spouse to be revise and established. Next, as humans, we all have spiritual, emotional and physical needs. One of the purposes of marriage is to help meet the needs our spouse. When these needs are not met, some turn to alcohol, overeating, infidelity etc., all of which are cancerous to marriages. Lastly and most important is managing finances. Some will spend until their several credit cards are exhausted and the bank balance goes in the red. Unwise spending will gradually cause strain and stresses, which can eventually break marriages. Couples who prepare themselves by learning the primary skills of preserving a healthy marriage before or even after they say I do will end up enjoying a harmonious marriage.
Many of us have gone into marriages with without proper preparation and expecting the ideal. However, when the honeymoon is over and rubber hits the road the marriage starts to wobble and in some cases end up in the ditch. The phrase “a stitch in time saves nine” which was reference by Thomas Fuller in 1732AD and may have been around long before that, is still true today, but it starts with both spouses accepting reality and humbly work together to bring resolve.
As fruit tree needs regular care of watering, pruning, fertilizing and purging of weeds to stay healthy and fruitful so is every marriage. At Emerge Christian Counseling Center in Toronto, with adequate training, modern tools of technology, gifted talents and help of the Holy Spirit we are able to diagnose the areas of marriage that needs development and we help enrich marriage relationships.

COUNSELLING: An individual, couple or family needs counseling when their lives are being disrupted by know or unknown issues. These issues may have its origination from the individuals prenatal, infancy, childhood, adolescent, teenager, early adult hood stage or later years of life. People suffer in different ways based on the inward injuries they experienced. These injuries may be manifested in harmful outward behaviors, such as, anxiety, anger, fear, coarse language, perverted or unacceptable behaviors, depression, avoidance, addiction, low self-esteem, identity, abnormal conflicts or marital issues, etc. The object of counseling is to educate, encourage, restore, enrich and enable people, to experience healing and wholeness in their life. This will come about when trust, honesty, transparency and confidentiality are in the core of the relationship between the hurting party and a trained compassionate, professional Christian counselor.

COACHING: Coaching is a continuous, transparent, personal relationship between the coach and his client. Here the client wants to make changes in his or her life in order to maximize their God given potential. Coaching explores the dreams, hopes and fears of the person and focuses on the actions their client needs to take towards their goal. A coach comes along side his client, meets him or her at whatever stage they are in life and help them find new paths towards their vision. He does not advise or tell the client what to do, but asks the right questions to help his clients get the answers and direction based on who God created them to be. A Christian coach is prayerful, friendly, fair and firm and holds his clients accountable to their endeavors until their dreams and possibilities become reality.

Personal intimacy is built when we go further than just knowing about someone, to experiencing them in personal way, by hearing and experiencing each other responses directly. This will happen by spending quality time together, listening, observing and sharing. The same is necessary in establishing a personal intimate relationship with God.

By merely attending church services once per week and the returning of tithes is not enough to build a personal intimate relationship with God. Building a personal intimate relationship with Him requires honest desire, disciplines in our effort, inviting the Holy Spirit to live in us, reading the bible on a daily basis, and yielding the to promptings of the Holy Spirit in our hearts .

The spending of time in prayer, communing with God is vital. As blood is to the body so is communication to any relationship. We must begin honoring adoring give Him praise for his grace towards us. These are followed by sharing, challenges, fears, and faith etc. Then we make our desires know to Him. Bearing in mind that transparency and humility should always be the attitude of our hearts. He will not be angry with us if or when we fail, but will be kind, compassionate, understanding, forgiving and willing to help us in areas of our need . The writing of a daily journal, recording our requests, His verbal responses directing us what to do, and the results of prayers, will be of great help in confirming the reality of our personal relationship with Him.

Reading daily, portions of the Bible, starting with the Gospel of John, and continuing to read the New Testament will help us to keeping within the range of hearing and being sensitive to His Voice. As we continue to read the Bible we will also get to know the truth about our self and Our Heavenly Father. We will get to understand His mind, the way He thinks and responds in all situations in life.
Quality time must be spent with Him, being to be still, quiet in our spirit and mind and by faith listen to what The Spirit of God is saying to us, and try to grasp what He is saying to us in light of what we read in His written word.

The attendance of a weekly worship service at a Bible teaching church with focus on worshiping Him in spirit and truth is necessary. Accepting the teaching from the pastor with an open heart and trying to filter from the messages what God is saying to us very important. Establishing a working relationship with the local church and building relationships with other mature Christians, who can encourage us as we seek to develop a relationship with Him, will help.

By trial and error we will increasingly experience a personal intimate and eternal relationship with God.

More than three thousand years ago depression has been recognized to be a common ailment among human and has been affecting people from all walks of life from the earliest years. It is referred to by some in the medical field as the common cold in mental health. In milder forms depression can come as a passing period of sadness that follows a disappointment and is name as unipolar or non-bipolar depression. More severe depressions may be experienced with feelings of fear, exhaustion, and inability to take action into the life of society, hopelessness and inner desperation’s. Those who supper repeated harsh and rigorous mood swings are said to suffer bipolar disorder

People experience depression in different ways though very few may have the same symptoms. The symptoms may include sadness, pessimism, that is thinking the worse will happen in every situation and feeling of hopelessness, droopiness, laziness or sluggishness that make it difficult get going; general fatigue along with loss of energy, lack of interest in work, religion, hobby and other activities; low self esteem, often partnered by self criticism and guilty feelings, humiliation, unworthiness, helplessness, lack of sleep and distorted concentration, and loss of desire to eat. In what is referred to as masked depression, the person may have many of the above symptoms, but cover up or deny the feelings of sadness by putting on a pretense of normalcy or happiness. However, sensitive counselors will see behind the facade.

Depression can be apparent and classified by different measures of severity, from mild to severe and primary to secondary. Mild depression is temporary, self correction and may be overcome by little counseling, therapy and mild mediation. Severe conditions last for longer periods and recurs at different times as seasons. The sources can be   spiritual, physiological, psychological a combination of all three or also genetic. Professionals   agree that it originates basically from disappoints failures or losses. Inaccurate diagnosis, incorrect medication, inappropriate responses of immediate family members and friends to the ill person can make the condition increasingly complex. Though common, even with skilled psychiatrists and therapists, it can be difficult to diagnosed and dealt with without the help of the empowering grace and wisdom of God.

The Bible does not have much to say about it; still we can find that the condition existed in various characters. Namely Job, Elijah, Moses, King Saul, Kind David, Jonah, Peter   and even Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane where He was deeply grieved and distressed which resulted to blood dripping our of his forehead. They all dealt with the condition in similar ways but primarily looking to God for His empowering grace and wisdom.

MYTHS AND FICTIONS OF DEPRESSION

Myths and fictions of depression make the practice of a cousellor more difficult. The following are some of them.  “Depression is caused by sin and lack of faith in God”. “All depression is as a result of self pity”. “It is wrong for a Christian to be depressed”. “Depression can be removed permanently by some sort of spiritual exercise and that happiness is a choice”.

CAUSES OF DEPRESSION

The Belief System

Job, according to the Bible, was a “perfect” man, blameless, upright revered God, shuns evil and held fast to his integrity. He was financially successful with a large happy family.

Nevertheless,  Job said “Job 3:25 ²⁵ The worst of my fears has come true, what I’ve dreaded most has happened” It is also   written in Proverbs 23:7  “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” As we have read the thing that Job feared came upon him. Disaster struck from all angles progressively in his life.  He lost his children, health and wealth and his wife, who was supposed to stick with him, suggested that he curse God and die. His friends were   judgmental, and had many of their own reasons for his predicament.  Through it all, he came more intimate with God, experienced His grace and was restored in a greater measure. No doubt our faith or fear, the way we think and/or believe can cause us to fall in depression or rise out of depression.

The Genetic –Biological Causes

Research also reveals that some nature of depression runs in families and can also arise from physical malfunctions.  Lack of sleep, insufficient exercise, the side effects of prescribed and illegal drugs, unhealthy diet, monthly premenstrual syndrome, glandular disorder, and brain tumors and chemistry also contributes to depression. Some in the medical field agree that negative thinking causes imbalance in brain chemistry and can contribute to depression.

Psychological-Cognitive Causes

Up to 10 percent of mental health problem are find its origination from Psychological-Cognitive conditions. Twenty five percent of this figure are made up of college and university students, and thirty three percent are college and university drop outs. Childhood experiences, family and cultural backgrounds, stress,  significant losses, lack of skill in surviving, anger and unforgiveness with self, greed,  guilt, self condemnation  lack of hope, and not seeing the good plans and future that God has for us has people stuck in depression. Depressed people are often passive or over reactive, poorly motivated, not wanting to/or lack the strength to do anything to help themselves. 

The Effect of Depression

If not dealt with appropriately depression can lead to extended sufferings. Unhappiness and inefficiency, increased physical illness,  withdrawal from family friends and society as a whole, chronic loneliness due to lack of ability to maintain healthy relationships, inability to be a team player and stay employed ,low esteem and even suicide are the potential consequences of depression..

Avoiding Depression

Though depression cannot be completely avoided there are steps that can be taken to reduce the risks. They are as follows; trusting in God,  accept that  discouragement and disappointments will come in life, be alert to depressive situations and seasons of reoccurrence, learn to handle guilt, anger  and unforgivness  of self and others, think right, develop coping skills, find the right support individuals or groups, and be discipline in eating  and exercising,

Loneliness has been referred to as the world’s most common mental health problem. It is one of the most universal sources of human suffering. People in all walks of life, experience it regardless of the culture, class, race, or sex. It is a condition that affects all ages at some season in their life and can be temporary, seasonal or never ending depending on the manner on which it is dealt.

Loneliness involves feelings of inner emptiness, isolation and intense longing for relationship, though the environment in which the lonely lives is conducive to and facilitates the opposite. There may be multitudes of lively people compatibly around with lots of fun activities , still they are lonely and find it difficult to get involved in the Joys of life and society. They can be living in the best country the world, in the largest cities with the brightest lights or the most exotic beach, but still suffer. The lonely feels left out, unwanted, rejected or misunderstood, saddened discouraged, restless and anxious, with the desire to be recognized and needed by at least some one. They usually have low self-image, lack self-confidence and fear rejection; hence they do not have the courage to initiate or build relationships.

Man was created for relationship and not to be alone and lonely. Relationships have been one of the major contributing factors that contribute to the fulfillment of the destiny of our lives. Shortly after God created Adam He said it is not good for man to be alone, so he made a suitable helper. They were to maintain a personal intimate relationship with God, with each other and be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. Adam became very ambitious tending the garden leaving enough room for Eve to be lonely. Satan sneaked in the gaps of loneliness and was able to have an influence on Eve so as to eat the apple. They both ate the apple, broke intimacy with with God and sin placed even a larger gap between man and woman. Hence the birth of loneliness.

Though rarely discussed in scriptures, we can see loneliness took a hold of Noah, Moses, Job, Nehemiah, Elijah, Saul, David, Jesus, John, the apostle Paul and still it’s like an increasing plague in today’s society. The increase of technology where most people live on the web, computer or television, rather than interacting with live human beings in the life of society, has contributed in a greater way. Loneliness drives people to all kinds of perverted and relationships. We can see human effort to solve loneliness through alcoholism, rape, divorce and fornication homosexuals, workaholics, exhibitionist behaviors, vacation trips, shopping malls racking up their credit cards, diverse addictions, etc. Loneliness can be found more prevalent older and single people.

There are several causes of loneliness. It can emerge in times of transitions in times of their life, when people have to move for various reasons from city to city due to employment or education, different developmental stages in life, when children have to move out of their home, broken relationships, divorce and separation . Psychological ailments also bring on loneliness. Low self esteem, where people see themselves the wrong way, shyness and inability to communicate, self defeating attitudes, anger of bitterness of some past disappointment fear and situational and spiritual causes.

Loneliness can be overcome by first admitting the problem. However because of pride and lack of knowledge of its subtleness and danger most people fail to deal with it. With proper probing the causes and the lonely being honestly transparent the true cause of loneliness can come discovered. Next the lonely must be brought to see themselves the way they really are through God’s point view and not the way they see themselves or society or their circumstances make them feel. Next, the appropriate steps need to be taken to increase their faith and trust in God, their thinking has to be changed to the way God thinks about them.

Further, they need to get guidance in developing self-esteem, learning social skills and be encouraged to step out and getting into the life of society. They need to be encouraged to take risks and reach out to the right people in a healthy environment, where the chances of rejection are lower and acceptance is greater. Though not perfect the church is where the people are more accepting, forgiving, patent, and tenderhearted tolerant and helpful. For this reason it can be a safer place where the lonely can start overcoming loneliness. Still other groups which offer similar help.

Pre-marriage Counsel High priority

Wise couples who wish to enjoy a happy, fruitful married life, live up to their vows of “ until death do we part” and eliminating the risk of divorce, place high priority on pre-marriage counsel. Statistics reveal that those who participate in pre-marriage counsel, though they face the same challenges as other couples, are much more equipped to deal with challenges and therefore enjoy a better marriage and family life.

Failure to prepare for Marriage

Trying to cope with the challenges of training for and changing careers, competition of staying employed, keeping trim and fit, raising children, keeping up with the rapid changes in society in this post modern generation has made marriage very difficult. According to reliable statics about 50 % of first marriages end in separation or divorce. The risk becomes greater with each successive marriage, about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages.

People will spend tens of thousands of dollars and fifteen to twenty five years of their lives equipping themselves for a careers, but rarely invest any time or finances on preparing themselves for marriages which is intended to last for a lifetime. Failing to have adequate pre-marriage counsel can lead to painful divorce in just a few years after marriage.

Pre-marriage Counsel Vital

Can you imagine plunging into the deep without ever learning the dynamics of swimming… just hoping that you will figure it out after you take the plunge? The choice to take the dive unprepared will undoubtedly determine whether one sinks or swims.

Couples often enter marriage enjoying the passionate honeymoon phase, feeling this will last forever with little or no effort to keep the flame going. However after the honeymoon phase is over the reality season begins. This is the time when they have to take off their ballroom attire and put on the work boots and gloves and used the necessary tools to keep the garden of marriage flourishing and fruitful. Some realize that they are not equip to do the work and think that divorce is the solution.

By preparing for marriage through adequate pre-marriage counsel, couples invest in their marriage and thereby give themselves a better chance to have their dreams of marriage become reality. Studies show that pre-marriage counsel can reduce the potential for divorce by about 30%.

What is the process of Pre-marriage Counsel?

Our pre-marital counseling process begins with a comprehensive relationship questionnaire that is filled out online by each member of the couple. There are no right or wrong answers. The survey identifies with great precision based on information gathered the couple’s strengths and the areas for growth within their relationship. The questions probes areas such as communication skills, conflict resolution, family and friends, sex, child raising, finances, roles and responsibilities and spiritual beliefs. The data gathered is evaluated and presented in a detailed report utilizing easy-to-understand text and clear graphics.

There are typically one to five feed-back sessions depending on the areas identified for development. The knowledge and guidance received through our pre-marriage counsel/guidance will have great benefits for the couples and their family and help leave a remarkable legacy for generations to come.

There are super spiritual persons who claim that they have the secret of living trouble-free lives in this world. If that’s you, well God bless you and may you continue to do so. Jesus said in John 16:33 (MsgB) “…In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” It is better to accept God’s truth and let every man be a liar. Tribulations will come; God did not promise life on an easy street, but he has provided a way to overcome them. Living through or overcoming every challenge starts with prayers.

Many of you reading this article, like myself, may recall times from childhood to this present time in your life when tribulations came your way. You may have been rejected, deceived, disappointed, taken advantage of in some way or another. You may be suffering the consequences of your own bad decisions in life. We must keep in mind that we are imperfect people living in an imperfect world and amongst us is the author of destruction and the invisible promoter of every evil work.

Some of us have yet to learn that no matter how dark and difficult our circumstances are, we can live through and eventually rise and live above them by God’s grace. Our creator, and loving heavenly father, did not leave us to fend completely for ourselves. As the law of lift when applied will cause a huge heavy aircraft to break the laws of gravity, so is the effectiveness of spiritual laws when applied. They will change things seen and unseen, known and unknown. Prayer is the most powerful equipment that God has given us to travail and triumph over tribulations.

At times, things happen where the purpose of God can be revealed (John 9:3). Occasionally, it is used to purify us; it will burn sin and selfishness that lies within. Sometimes misery comes from Godly discipline incorporated into our life Hebrews2:11 “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it”. Hebrews 12:5–6 ) So don’t feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children? My dear child, don’t shrug off God’s discipline, but don’t be crushed by it either. ” It’s the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects. Sometimes we are caught in the enemy’s web; he will try to make us miserable and destroy us. Often the anguish, fair, sorrow, sadness, grief or pain we feel is Satan’s doing and no fault of our own or anyone else. Our comfort comes in knowing that God will help us through and out of the predicament as we humble ourselves and effectively pray, communicate with God for progressive wisdom, discipline and strength.

HOW TO PRAY THROUGH DIFFICULT TIMES

Regardless what the reasons for our difficulties are, prayers will make a difference. Every day and every prayer is an opportunity to change our future. Though we may not see the results immediately, every drop of prayer definitely makes a difference. Christ’s life was fibred with prayer. Surely Jesus coped and conquered by prayer. And that’s the manner all Christians must.

1. We must pray for God’s wisdom

We are prone to use worldly wisdom at all levels in our walk daily. Leaders of large denominations, pastors in growing, leaders of great countries use worldly wisdom. James tells us what Godly wisdom is: James 3:14–17 (NIV) “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. [15] Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. [16] For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. [17] But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

2. Pray for the Spirit’s help

John 14:16-17 (NIV) “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever– [17] the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.”

The Spirit will also comfort, empower and teach us all things.

3. Pray for the mind of Christ

1 Cor. 2:16 (NIV) “For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?” But we have the mind of Christ. Philip. 2:5 (NIV) Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:1 Peter 4:1 (NIV) Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. God will give us the mind of Christ in every situation and we will overcome as he did.

3. Pray for a greater sense of God’s presence in the dilemma

Psalm 112:7 (NIV) He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Acknowledging the presence of God in a difficult situation will help us find rest and peace, knowing that he is cares, is willing, and helping us to get through the trouble.

4. Pray that you will stay in God’s will and be obedient in this difficult time

Luke 22:40–43 (KJV) And when he was at the place, he said unto them, Pray that ye enter not into temptation. [41] And he was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, [42] Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done. [43] And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.”

Staying in God’s will in difficult times is a critical thing. We can miss the purpose of our entire life or it can be the window of the greatest opportunity. Don’t miss it, Jesus did not — let’s follow him.

5. Pray to see the good in the bad

It is vital to see the scenario from all angles. God will reveal everything we need to see that will help us through and encourage us.
Elisha’s servant found himself in what seemed to be immediate death and panicked. Elisha prayed, his eyes were opened and he saw what would be the outcome of the situation.
2 Kings 6:15–17 (KJV) And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do? [16] And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them. [17] And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.”

6. Pray that you will have Godly expectations only

Disappointments and sufferings are inevitable because life never consistently meets our expectations. We make mistakes expecting that people will not disappoint us and that we will have everything as promised or expected, but it never came through. Instead of things getting better, the venom of bitterness and unforgiveness comes in. Let us expect people to be people and God to be God. God will help us sustain disappointments.

7. Pray that God will help you forgive others

Often the greatest times of disappointment are when someone fails us. We get hurt deeply and find it hard to forgive. Many live life festering and weeping wounds, while the other parties are having a blast in life. Our joy and happiness must not depend on people and we need God’s help to forgive them. When we release and forgive our offenders, we are on our to recovery and wholeness in life.

8. Pray that God will help you accept His forgiveness and forgive yourself

Though the hardhearted feel no remorse when they fail others, many of us feel we have committed the unforgivable sin and keep living under tons of condemnation. When we cannot forgive others, we cannot accept God’s forgiveness and neither can we forgive ourselves. We must pray that we’re able to accept God’s forgiveness and forgive ourselves.

9. Pray that you will not be discouraged

Discouragement can flow in like a flood; we think we are standing strong and someone says something or we think the wrong things and we are washed away with waves of discouragement. Our difficult times will come to and end.
Remember what Paul Said in Philip. 4:13 (KJV) “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (MsgB) Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Be reminded that God’s timing is not ours and he moves with great precision without delay. David said in Psalm 37:5–9 (GW) “Entrust your ways to the Lord, Trust him, and he will act {on your behalf}. [6] He will make your righteousness shine like a light, your just cause like the noonday sun. [7] Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him. Do not be preoccupied with {an evildoer} who succeeds in his way when he carries out his schemes. [8] Let go of anger, and leave rage behind. Do not be preoccupied. It only leads to evil. [9]Evildoers will be cut off {from their inheritance}, but those who wait with hope for the Lord will inherit the land.”

In 1 Samuel 30:6 we see that God says (KJV) “And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.” We must too.

Regardless of your present situation, know that God is at work in every circumstance in your life and it is for your own good. And that all things work together when we don’t know what we need today for when we pray in the Spirit. He wants us to trust him. Trust Him when we are weary; we will find strength. Trust Him when we have problems; we will find peace. Trust Him when we are empty; we will experience his fullness. Trust Him when we are sad; he will give us joy. Don’t be blinded by circumstances; there is a great future ahead for us so let us believe in His promises. Look to God instead of the circumstances. With man, few or many things are impossible, but with God all things are possible.