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Feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem build up over a period of many years through the home environment, parent-child relationships, derogatory communication between spouses, community influence, rejections, disappointments, unrealistic expectations; by sins of  fornication, abortion, infidelity, divorce and the guilt that follows; and through other negative experiences and behaviours. Nevertheless, when people can see through all these layers of dark clouds that circumstances and society cast over their self-esteem, they will be able to clearly see themselves as who they are and emerge in a greater way toward their full potential.
The Bible & Self-Esteem
Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden distorted their self-image in all dimensions. This distortion had a domino effect on all humans thereafter, multiplying itself in diverse ways. Hence, all of us have had a setbacks and have seen ourselves falsely in one way or another from the beginning.
The fact is that God highly esteems us unconditionally, not because of our education, financial successes, or admirable positions in society, but because of who we really are, the way He created us in His image uniquely and wonderfully (Psalm 139:14). He created our spirits before we were conceived (Jer 1:5). He guided and empowered us during the race among millions to the destination in our mother’s womb. He favoured us to be the first to make contact with the egg , made a deposited of His divine potential in us and watches over our development..
In God’s great love for us, He provided an antidote for sinful behaviours and their effects by sending Jesus Christ to our rescue. Jesus restores and reunites us to God and helps us to see who we really are. God’s letter to us (the Bible) says, “Therefore, if any man be in Christ Jesus, he is a new creature: old things are passed away, and all things are become new.” He claims us as being the apple of His eye and His treasure on earth. Throughout the Bible, He constantly affirms us as valuable in His sight. In 1 Peter 2:9, He calls us His “chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, and a peculiar people.” In addition, He has called us “out of darkness into his marvellous light.” In Ephesians 2:10, He says we are His “workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to good works.” In John 15:15, Jesus declared that we are no longer servants but His friends. He sent angels to guard us and the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us. Our Heavenly Father refers us as “the salt of the earth” (Matt 5:13), “the light of the world” (Matt 5:14), and “fellow workers” and “joint heirs” of Jesus Christ (1 Cor 3:9). We can’t be as bad as we think we are, can we? Are you going to argue with God?
How to Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
After accepting Christ for who He is, you will start seeing yourself and your future differently. By changing the way you think, believe, and feel about yourself and how you conduct your life, you will gradually change your self-esteem. You will start to see yourself through the lens of God. But you will have to do your part. Renewing your mind through diligently studying the Bible daily, joining a healthy Bible group and listening to edifying preaching will surely help. Attend a church that focuses on righteousness rather than sin. Next, you need to separate yourself from people of negative influence and surround yourself with people who will understand and accept you for who you are and support you. You need to have a realistic self-evaluation, accept your current state in this world, decide what you want to be or what legacy you want to leave, set short- and long-term goals and priorities, avoid sin and destructive behaviours, and thank God daily for the work He is doing and will continue to do in and through you.

Divorce will affect people in negative ways emotionally, behaviorally, socially and spiritually. It often has a lifelong affect upon the divorcee and their children, parents, grandparents other family members, employees, employers, friends, neighbors, the church family and even any future marriages.

Emotional Effects: It is endless and creates anxiety, fear sadness, depression, anger, bitterness, frustration, confusion, period’s deep regret, thoughts of and even the committal of  suicide. We were not created to endure long periods of tension, for this reason serious illness often follows.

Behavioral Effects:  Divorces not only affect our feelings but also  behavior. It  affects  how and what the divorcee eat and drink, how and when the bills are paid, how they solve their daily challenges within the family or at work, how they take care of themselves and their belongings, discolor the views of their future and how they pursue it. Efforts in their pursuits in life may decline, efficiency reduces and in many cases, and the divorcee may be more susceptible to mishaps as they continue in life.

Social Effects:  When divorce occurs every one in the community suffer. Family members are shocked some become afraid and discouraged. Allies try to be supportive. Some may condemn, blame or treat from either or both parties accusingly. Friends may feel awkward and will not know how to react or what to say in their presence. The divorced experiences loneliness, insecurity while some have problems with sex and self-control. Some as well as their children get involved in abuse the use of drugs and alcohol.

Spiritual Effects: Divorce like any other tragedy in life will sometimes pull people closer to God for guidance and protection while others will turn their anger to Him, fall away the church family, and disregard the call and purposes of God for their life.

Christian Counseling: Christian Counselors use biblical principles, the help of the Holy Spirit and modern technology diagnose the weak areas of marriages and make them stronger, find unaddressed issues that brought the relationship at the critical stage and address them, help t eliminate bad habits and encourage couples to live a harmonious Christ centered relationship.

There has been an assault on marriages since incident with Adam and Eve in Garden of Eden. It continued through the ages but escalated since the beginning of world war one in 1914, when thousands of men went to war and most of the remaining, along with women had to work rotating shifts in factories manufacturing war missiles. It was at this point loneliness, infidelity, separation, divorce, and homosexuality started to rise drastically. Now with gay marriages being legalized it will become worse. Christian Counselors, Clinicians, Family Therapists and Lay Helpers in the churches and communities will be increasingly active until Kingdom comes.

Couples need to protect the integrity of a Godly marriage, by making special efforts to enrich their relationship. Communication, conflict resolution, roles and responsibilities, meeting each other needs and money management are the main areas where development is needed.
Healthy communication is being honest, transparent, listening, hearing and understanding each other. Resolving conflicts comes through respectful, informed dialogue with arrivals at Godly decisions that will be of the best interest of the family, rather than blow-up, clam-up or being passive. In this industrialized, capitalistic and narcissistic society, it has become what is referred to as a rat race society; hence, there is need for roles and responsibility of each spouse to be revise and established. Next, as humans, we all have spiritual, emotional and physical needs. One of the purposes of marriage is to help meet the needs our spouse. When these needs are not met, some turn to alcohol, overeating, infidelity etc., all of which are cancerous to marriages. Lastly and most important is managing finances. Some will spend until their several credit cards are exhausted and the bank balance goes in the red. Unwise spending will gradually cause strain and stresses, which can eventually break marriages. Couples who prepare themselves by learning the primary skills of preserving a healthy marriage before or even after they say I do will end up enjoying a harmonious marriage.
Many of us have gone into marriages with without proper preparation and expecting the ideal. However, when the honeymoon is over and rubber hits the road the marriage starts to wobble and in some cases end up in the ditch. The phrase “a stitch in time saves nine” which was reference by Thomas Fuller in 1732AD and may have been around long before that, is still true today, but it starts with both spouses accepting reality and humbly work together to bring resolve.
As fruit tree needs regular care of watering, pruning, fertilizing and purging of weeds to stay healthy and fruitful so is every marriage. At Emerge Christian Counseling Center in Toronto, with adequate training, modern tools of technology, gifted talents and help of the Holy Spirit we are able to diagnose the areas of marriage that needs development and we help enrich marriage relationships.

COUNSELLING: An individual, couple or family needs counseling when their lives are being disrupted by know or unknown issues. These issues may have its origination from the individuals prenatal, infancy, childhood, adolescent, teenager, early adult hood stage or later years of life. People suffer in different ways based on the inward injuries they experienced. These injuries may be manifested in harmful outward behaviors, such as, anxiety, anger, fear, coarse language, perverted or unacceptable behaviors, depression, avoidance, addiction, low self-esteem, identity, abnormal conflicts or marital issues, etc. The object of counseling is to educate, encourage, restore, enrich and enable people, to experience healing and wholeness in their life. This will come about when trust, honesty, transparency and confidentiality are in the core of the relationship between the hurting party and a trained compassionate, professional Christian counselor.

COACHING: Coaching is a continuous, transparent, personal relationship between the coach and his client. Here the client wants to make changes in his or her life in order to maximize their God given potential. Coaching explores the dreams, hopes and fears of the person and focuses on the actions their client needs to take towards their goal. A coach comes along side his client, meets him or her at whatever stage they are in life and help them find new paths towards their vision. He does not advise or tell the client what to do, but asks the right questions to help his clients get the answers and direction based on who God created them to be. A Christian coach is prayerful, friendly, fair and firm and holds his clients accountable to their endeavors until their dreams and possibilities become reality.