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Feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem are built up over a period of many years and changes take some time. Nevertheless we help you get a colourful view of yourself as the way God sees you, and help you become the way you see yourself.

We give you genuine support and approval, help you to develop understanding of yourself, encourage you with sincere disclosure, help you with a realistic evaluation of yourself, help you evaluate your past experiences positively, and help you set goals and priorities so that you become the person God created you to be.

Some highly regarded theologians are camped at the debate of the value of self-esteem of Christians and stresses on human sinfulness and self-denial rather than self-worth and our being right with God through what Christ did on the cross for us. Different views have come and continue to be presented in this age from great and humble servants of God. Anthony A. Hoekema wrote a book showing that the Bible teaches us to have a positive image of ourselves because we are new creatures in Christ. David Carlson agrees that a poor self-image will devastate anybody. The solution is not to give ourselves pep talks to boost our self-esteem. Instead, we need to find a Biblical kind of esteem. Lasting self-esteem can be only developed by truths from the word of God by the Spirit of God.

The Bible & Self-Esteem

God highly esteems us. Throughout the Bible He constantly affirms all humans as valuable in his sight. We were created in His image; in Adam we lost His image and in Christ we are legally restored. He sent His Son to die for our sins that we may be restored in his image. He sent angels to guard us, the Holy Spirit to guide and empower us, and the scriptures to teach us. He said that we are salt of the earth and light of the world. We who trust in Him will spend eternity with Him. We can be as bad as we think — can we? Are you going to argue with God?

The Causes of Inferiority and Low Self-Esteem

1. Faulty Theology
2. Sin and Guilt
3. Past Experience
4. Parent-Child Relationship
5. Unrealistic Expectations
6. Faulty Thinking
7. Community Influence

The Effects of Inferiority and Low Self-Esteem

• Feeling of isolation and being unlovable
• Feeling of weakness to overcome deficiencies and lack of drive or motivation
• Anger, but afraid of angering others
• Having difficulty getting along with others
• Sensitive that feelings are hurt easily
• Having lower curiosity and creativity
• A lack of inner peace
• Social withdrawal
• Self-criticism
• Depression
• A drive to gain superiority and control over others
• A tendency to complain, be argumentative, intolerant, hypersensitive and unforgiving
• Inability to accept compliments or expressions of love
• An inclination to be a poor listener
• Impatience with self and others

Self-esteem can have a wide influence. Everyone feels inferior sometimes, but when inferiority feelings are intense or long lasting, values and behaviors are affected.

Help For Those With Inferiority Feelings And Low Self-Esteem

Feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem are built up over many years. It’s unrealistic to expect change to come overnight. Over a period of time, help can come in a variety of ways.

1. Give constant support, acceptance and approval.
2. Seek to develop understanding.
3. Share biblical perspectives on self-esteem.
4. Encourage self-disclosure and realistic self-evaluation.
5. Stimulation of a re-examination of experiences, goals and priorities.
6. The avoidance of destructive tendencies.
7. Stimulation of group support.
8. Learning to deal with sin.

Prevention Of Low Self-Esteem

Though parents and most churches fall short of preventing low self-esteem, these two institutions can contribute by a great measure to promote good self-esteem by the following:

1. Prevention through teaching and self-help.
2. Prevention through parental guidance.
3. Prevention through the Christian community.
4. A study of how God sees us as members of His blood-bought family.

A blended family is formed when two single or divorced parents with children from a previous marriage or relation join their families together and live in one household.

In first-world countries, especially North America, since World War I and II, men had to go to war and young women and mothers had to work in factories producing ammunition to sustain the war. In this age, with increased industrialization and commercial activity along with the high cost of living and couples putting higher priority on getting the high-end luxurious home rather than spending quality time to maintain their marriage, they find little or no time for intimacy and meeting the emotional and physical needs of their mates.

Because of this, unfortunately fifty percent of marriages end in divorce in five to seven years.

It has become a challenge to hold a nuclear (a couple with onset of children) family together. Holding a blended family together can be much more difficult. After a few week or months, financial relational conflicts surface. The terms such as “you are not mom,” “you are not my dad,” and “this is my child,” “that’s not my expense” and many more are thrown around in the home. This is usually the beginning of the family’s breakdown. However, we can help you with proper guidance in applying respect, roles, responsibility, rules and accountability in order of priority so that peace and harmony can be experienced, at a greater level in a blended family.

TEN THINGS TO BE PREPARED FOR IN BLENDED FAMILIES

1. Recognize that a blended family cannot and will not function like a traditional nuclear family.
2. Know that blood bonds and sexual bonds are in conflict.
3. Build your partnership and your couple strength; decide and agree together on how to build and manage your new family.
4. Handle the conflict of loyalties ASAP.
5. Be prepared for the consequences of diminished parenting, which goes hand in hand with divorce and separation, even death; plan, organize and structure. Immediately reinstate the 4 Rs: Roles, Rules, Responsibility and Respect. Set your house rules in motion. This doesn’t mean that everything needs to change but that everyone is clear on how things run and will move forward.
6. Deal with the guilt, shame and denial.
7. Don’t be part of the social norm of “Badmouthing.”
8. Co-parent — it’s good for your kids, it’s necessary for your kids, for their healthy development and self-esteem.
9. Visitation: be clear, predictable, respectful and consistent.
10. The four “Rs” in dealing successfully with challenges.

These are important areas of your life together that need to be planned for and carried out by and for everyone in the family. Implementing a plan that addresses these key areas will make it possible to conquer the dragons and build a meaningful life together as a new family. The four Rs are as follows:

a) Roles
b) Rules
c) Responsibility
d) Respect

OTHER MATTERS

1. Deal with Baggage of the Past

a) Acceptance and forgiveness.
b) Unresolved issues with ex spouses and children.
c) Personal weaknesses that hindered past relationships.

2. Love & Respect

a) Care for the nature of God unconditionally.
b) No one is perfect; look for the best qualities in your mate and keep your eyes on them. Your mate is a gift of God. God has a high opinion of him or her. You must too.

3. Communication & Intimacy

a) Honesty and transparency with pure motives.

4. Finance & Budgeting

a) Pooling of funds?
b) Set rules regarding financing.
c) Bring resent past debt
d) Set fixed amount for spending money.
e) Plan and provide for children’s upkeep and expense.

5. Disciplining Children

a) Discuss issues, view them from God’s perspective before confronting your mate. Deal with them in a loving and Godly manner.
b) Each parent disciplines his or her own children with other mate in the background.
c) Be fair, friendly and firm.

6. Discuss how Ex-mates Will be Involved

• Decisions
• Child support
• Visitation

Singles, you are not alone. There are over six million Canadians over eighteen years of age who have never been married. Over twelve million are single parents, most with children. They are not only single but most probably searching too. Fifty percent of people who have been married from three to five years are seeking to be single again.

It’s never too late; it doesn’t matter what the purpose of your singleness is. If your heart is set on marriage, God is willing to help you find a mate that will end in marriage until death.

CAUSES OF SINGLENESS

1. Some chose not to marry because of what society is becoming.
2. Some think they have committed the unforgivable sin and are not worthy.
3. Some are tired of searching.
4. Some were married and found what Paul said in 1 Cor. 7:1 to be correct and got divorced.
5. Some have lost their mate through unfaithfulness or death.
6. Some may have other reasons for being single.
(a) Chronic illness, handicaps both mental and physical
(b) Unrealistic views.
(c) Immaturity and unwillingness to accept responsibility.

THE EFFECTS OF SINGLENESS

Everyone has been single at some time in their lives. If viewed by the stigma society has placed on it, singleness will have a harmful effect on singles such as shame, embarrassment, anxiety, fear, loneliness and depression. Singles can also suffer unnecessarily for low self-image and also have problems with identity and direction. God knows of every temptation and frustration that will come to man and he has a way of bringing resolve. Ladies, it’s not about giving yourself to any “Harry Hotrod” that comes around, or men falling for any “Polly Popsicles.”

HOW TO THRIVE SUCCESSFULLY THROUGH SINGLENESS

Singleness is not unnatural, unfortunate and should not be undesirable. It is a time when people have an opportunity to find out who they really are and come to a greater level of maturity; spend the extra time to develop themselves spiritually, professionally, narrow their view of God’s will for their lives, and line themselves up to do more meaningful things in life.

TO MAKE LIFE EASIER, SINGLES NEED TO CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING:

1. Evaluate your attitude toward singleness.
2. Accept yourself in this temporary state (if you are looking for a mate).
3. Always acknowledge the presence of God in your life.
4. Pursue life realistically:
(a) Hang around people who accept you, and who have Godly values.
(b) Be active in your immediate and extended family.
(c) Have a working relationship church family; keep busy pleasing the heart of God, and not only in mainstream events in church.
(d) Get involved and help develop programs to meet unique needs.
(e) Get actively involved in single ministries in Church.
(f) Meet single groups in other churches.
(g) Help new comers in church.
(h) Avoid the heavy emphasis, but keep praying and seeking in dating and match making.
(i) The Bible shows us of the grace of God
(j) It also teaches that it’s not whatever will be will be, but whatever will be is up to me.

A SINGLE MAN WHO THOUGHT HE WAS LOST

There’s a true story of a young man who got lost; the farther he went the more lost he got. Finally, after moping and groping, he pulled into a little town, stopped and called out to a farmer, “Excuse me, sir, but I think I’m lost.” The farmer responded by saying, “Well, do you know where you are?” and the man said, “Yes, sir, I saw the name of the town when I came in.” “Well then,” replied the farmer, “do you know where you want to go?” “Of course I do,” said the young man. “Then you aren’t lost,” said the farmer. “You just need some direction.”
At EMERGE, we help you find your way in the right direction.

All of us have experienced traumas of some nature earlier in our lives, and some have not been resolved. Unfortunately, it affects us in our current life and relationships. They may have occurred in prenatal times or some time in the frame of the developmental stages of our life. Life’s traumas, if not dealt with appropriately, can restrain us from functioning at our full potential. Consider our phobias: fear of intimacy, heights, public speaking, driving, fear of confrontation, etc. These are few of the many causes that make us cower from great opportunities that come our way in life. It makes us feel like a house divided, as we remain prisoners by the fixation of ordeals in the past.

The Broken Hearted

A few months ago, a respectable sixty-five-year-old grandmother came into my office and in tears confided that she was non-orgasmic throughout her marriage of forty-five years. She testified that her spouse had been a great husband, father, provider and priest of their family. Unfortunately, without fail, every time she tried to find pleasure with her dear husband, perplexing and painful memories and emotions would flood her mind. At the age of ten, she was sexually assaulted by her uncle, and at twelve she was raped by her cousin nine years her senior. Feelings of pain and humiliation of the past surfaced and haunted her. She had been robbed of blessings of intimacy, fulfillment and security that come through marriage love. For all of her adult life up to that day she has lived with this torment.

Another case that seems to be simpler but with devastating effects is a young man of twenty who has been deprived of adequate love from his dad who is a travelling evangelist, and he turned to homosexuality in pursuit of comfort and security of Daddy’s love.

Since the fall of Adam, we have lived in an imperfect world with imperfect people. I believe all of us suffer consciously or unconsciously from some kind of issue that hinders from experiencing God’s best. In John 10:10, Jesus warns us that “The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

As a counsellor, I have heard many unimaginable sad stories. I can’t help but lament with God’s people and work with Him to help bring restoration and healing to them.

The Healer

Our Chief Counsellor Healer, Jesus Christ, said in Luke 4:18 that he came to heal the broken hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recover of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised. Luke 8:43-44 tells us that there was a woman in the crowd who had had a hemorrhage for twelve years. She had spent everything she had on doctors and still could find no cure. She came up behind Jesus and touched the fringe of his remnant, and immediately the bleeding stopped.

Psychologists, medical science and great anointed and zealous preachers of the gospel have brought much help and healing. Sometimes the help some folks receive is likened to Band-Aid treatment to terminal illness. Some of us have only learned to cope with issues. Christian psychologists agree that in most cases mental and physical ailments are basically symptoms of a wounded heart and only the intervention by the Spirit of God will bring healing and restoration from within.

Jesus continues to say in Luke 18:27, “the things which are impossible with men are possible with God.” Perfect restoration comes only from the perfect one.

We have seen the broken minded in institutions, the homeless on the streets, the single people who are afraid to get married, the rapists who were deprived of a wholesome life and not adequately socially developed to engage in relationships in a healthy manner, the homosexuals, the prostitutes, and the pedophiles. Habits that we cannot quit, and fail to admit, patterns we cannot stop, addictions, weaknesses manifest, anger that flies out of the unconscious and subconscious and deep dimensions of our heart. We have seen these catastrophic circumstances even among the “redeemed.” Much of our ugliness comes out of broken places of our hearts and are cries from within for healing and relief.

There is something about all these predicaments; there is something inside that is compelling people to do things that they do not want to do. Paul said in Romans 7:19–20 “For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. [20] But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.”

The Stream of Deep Restoration

Jesus, in his deep eternal love for His people, declared in Matthew 13:15 “For this people’s heart have become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn and I would heal them.” He speaks of the state of man and is offering to heal us. Let’s look at some of the broken people he healed. The blind saw, the deaf heard, the lame leaped and jumped, the skin-corroded leper was cleansed, the hemorrhaging of the woman stopped. The prostitute thought pattern and behaviour changed, she was healed emotionally and eventually restored to live a normal life.

Let’s try to understand what Jesus was trying to communicate. “Here, look — this is what I am offering you. Not only your body, but also MOST IMPORTANTLY your heart (Spirit/Mind), which includes our emotions and will. He is saying that He’ll deal with the ghosts that jump out conveniently from the framework of our minds to paralyze us psychologically and emotionally, and steal the more abundant life that we can experience through the healing touch.

Remember, Jesus was not a fanatic, nor was He a fool; He was not a profit or teacher. He was not Elijah, John the Baptist, nor was He Solomon. He is the Alpha and Omega, the creator of all things, without Him nothing was made. He is the wonderful counsellor, the Mighty God, our everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace. He was not a liar and always spoke the truth; in fact, He was the Truth. He said that he came that we may have life and live more abundantly. Who will you believe? What will you believe? As we believe so it will be to us. Inner healing and deep restoration is for us today.

Trained Spirit-filled counsellors are able to help people find the issues of the past that rob them of life today. Help them make themselves vulnerable to God The Holy Spirit who alone can perform spiritual surgery that will affect the whole man. He will visit with us in our past, meet us in the pain or predicament, help us find the source of our problems, accept the fact from God’s perspectives, forgive ourselves and those involved, receive our healing and experience deep restoration.

Marriage is God’s idea; it’s the first institution He established upon the face of the earth. It’s a place where a male and female can experience joy, peace, fulfillment, pleasure and fruitfulness.

In this union, both parties have the opportunity to experience God’s blessings and be a blessing to each other and God.

Marriage is not a common contract, but a holy covenant where three parties are involved. Jesus is the first party. He is always present in our hearts by the Holy Spirit and is willing to guide, empower and help us to enrich marriages. The man and the woman are the second and third parties in a marriage. We read in the Bible Gen 2:2, “man will leave his mother and father and be united with his wife and the two become one flesh.” Volumes have been written about this scripture; nevertheless the words leave, be united and become one flesh are the basic words that make marriages the ideal place they should be. Both parties are to submit to love, respect and care for each other unconditionally. Marriage will be ideal if both man and woman would like

Jesus to give one hundred percent of their efforts to make the other happy. Marriage is not a fifty-fifty deal.

Marriage problems originated in the first marriage between Adam and Eve when Adam failed to live up to his priorities. Problems continued through the ages unto this day. God has a blueprint as to how marriages can be the ideal union. When man and/or woman fail to embrace God’s principles for a marriage, bad marriage will hurt. God is grieved and feels the pain of every hurting marriage.

God’s basic treatment healthy marriages can be found in Ephesians 5:21–33 “Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. 22 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. 23 The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. 24 So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. 25 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. 26 Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, 27 dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. 28 And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. 29 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, 30 since we are part of his body. 31 And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” 32 This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. 33 And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

BASIC STEPS OF DEEP RESTORATION PRAYER

Various inner healing prayers have become increasingly common interventions in the form of Christian counselling and ministry. Some are used in mass sessions, in groups of a dozen or on an individual basis.

1. We commence the session with prayer and ask for the ministry of the Holy Spirit in completeness, for leadership, guidance and protection in the entire session.
2. The client is guided into a relaxed state by brief relaxation strategies (e.g., worship, slow, deep breathing, pleasant imagery, prayer, reading of scriptures, Bible imagery).
3. Our clients are guided by help of the Holy Spirit to focus attention on painful past events or traumatic experiences, and to feel the pain, hurt or anger, etc.
4. The Holy Spirit is invited to intervene in the incidents of the past, help them to accept the truth, minister to clients His comfort, love, forgiveness and healing grace. Scriptures of healing are read; hymns or songs of healing are sung as inspired by the Holy Spirit. Sense of it is encouraged to be acknowledged and the Holy Spirit gives an explanation of past event in God’s point of view. Peace, acceptance and forgiveness flows.
5. The counsellor waits upon the Holy Spirit for His leading to minister healing, speaking only when necessary and as led by the Holy Spirit. The counsellor ministers as the Spirit leads, asking gently of the client’s thoughts and feelings, and responding compassionately by Word and Spirit in faith and prophetically.
6. Closing in prayer of thanksgiving.
7. Client is debriefed and discussion of the session with client is done.